The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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