We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize