You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
