I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
