Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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