you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
