I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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