In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The power of my boobs compel you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
