Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
