my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
