So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize