Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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