The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
