Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
