I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
