Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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