every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
