just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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