i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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