He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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