I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize