I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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