I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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