strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
whose parrot is this?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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