I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
