remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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