this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
