would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
