somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize