so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
