i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it glows. i had to have it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
