listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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