Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
