did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
