I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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