i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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