Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
