No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
