Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
