You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
