we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
