I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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