you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
