WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
