for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
