Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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