sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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