i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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