Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
