apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh god it's open bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
