Umm I'm too high to move.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
