i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize