Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
