Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
