dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
