I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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