You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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