all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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