see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
