You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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