he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
