My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
