Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
