I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
