dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
