I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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