i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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