Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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