when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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