Pants 0. Shit 1.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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