I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so explain again why im purple
no
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
