Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
