Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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