I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize