WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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