my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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