yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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