It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
