K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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