I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
