I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There r osticjed everywhere
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
