this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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