mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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