This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
