remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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