we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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