He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
