So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They have beer where we have blood.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
