Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
