Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
