goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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