I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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