i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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