Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
