I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
