Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
